The year in review

Well, 2008 has come to a close, and what a year it was!

In January we learned that Kara was pregnant.

Around this same time, I started finding family and friends, old and new, on Facebook. Many of these were old Army buddies I hadn't communicated with in over 20 years!

The winters here in Cleveland are hard on Kara and I, but knowing we had a baby coming, plus the excitement of periodically getting back in touch with more and more old friends, made for a relatively nice winter.

When we went for the first ultrasound, we didn't really expect to see much, and mostly we were just hoping to verify that the baby was there and healthy.

Our hearts melted and we both teared up when instead there was this little baby - arms, legs, head and body - all moving around. It even looked like it waved at us!

Kara pulled out all the stops with her research abilities, and found a hospital with midwives and a birthing center that would allow her to at least try and have the most natural birth possible.

It was kind of far, about a 50 minute drive, but everyone said at least for a first birth that should be plenty of time. The baby was due in October, and so the weather shouldn't be a hindrance.

We visited the birthing center, and another place that was much closer and probably our second choice, and it was like night and day.

If we went with the birthing center, I could be with Kara for the entire time no matter what happened, they would never take the baby out of the room, they wouldn't push drugs (but they'd be available), etc.

If we went with the nearby hospital, Kara would be treated like she was sick. The place looked, sounded, and just felt like a hospital. There would be times I couldn't be with her, and they'd take the baby away from us from time to time.

No way! We were going with the birthing center.

Kara was also interested in maybe using a doula. Through a friend at work who had just had a baby, I had learned about a doula who sounded great. But she was a little pricey, and Kara was going with a midwife instead of a doctor, and so we had pretty much decided on not going with a doula.

Kara and I both enjoyed taking classes to learn about the birthing process, infant care, etc. And the birthing center allowed water-births, which Kara really wanted to do. When Kara and I went to a water-birth class, the doula my friend had mentioned was teaching, and Kara and I just loved her.

Around this same time I was surprised with a promotion at work, which not only put me in a job that is a lot less stressful and a little less tedious, but also gave us enough extra income that we decided we could afford the doula.

And what a great investment that was! She did a great job prepping us for the birth, including giving us some inside info that they don't give you at the classes (which are put on by the medical providers).

She also made sure that the birth was a great experience. We had nice music playing, the lights were turned down low, she gave Kara massages during the labor, etc.

I had also gone on a pretty successful diet starting in July and had lost about 25 pounds, which gave me a lot more energy, enough that I was able to do a pretty good job of proving support throughout the entire birth. As a fairly introverted person, I have never been all that good at focusing on others, and here I was completely focused on Kara for over ten hours. It was a transcending experience for me.

And Kara was just amazing. One of the things I've always loved about her is her inner strength. She sometimes loses sight of it and doubts herself, but it's always there, and she always amazes me with how well she does with the big things in life.

The pregnancy was hard, Kara was sick for almost the entire nine months. She couldn't keep vitamins down, and she worried about that, but she eats a well rounded diet, and I suspect her body knew that she was getting what she needed naturally and didn't need the vitamins. The last few months she was getting little sleep, which is especially hard for her since she normally needs about 10 hours a night.

The birth was hard too, with a lot of pain, and Kara came very close to getting an epidural, but we're both very glad that turned out to not be necessary, although it was by the narrowest of margins.

Kara had been in labor for about 18 hours, and the last 6 of those were very painful, and she decided she just couldn't continue with the pain and asked for the epidural. Ok, but there were some things that had to be done first. She had to be given an IV to make sure she was adequately hydrated, and they had to draw blood and have it tested first. All this would take about an hour.

About an hour later, just as they were about to go get the anesthesiologist, Kara said she thought she could do without it. I could see in her face that something had changed. The doula said her endorphines had kicked in. I don't know what was going on inside her head at this time, had she turned inward, was she someplace else? I could tell, however, that she wasn't the same. She no longer needed the drugs.

The last fews hours of the labor were in a big tub, and at the end, the doula made sure the lights were down (they used a flashlight to monitor the baby coming out) and nice relaxing music was playing (Bob Marley, in fact, at the exact moment of birth).

Clark was immediately placed on Kara's chest, and he was smiling a huge smile, all wide eyed, looking back and forth at Kara and me. I've never known such joy.

Kara and I were lost in time with Clark, oblivious to the rest of the world. We couldn't stay like that forever, although it felt like it. No one was pressuring us at all to end this moment. I'm pretty sure we were like that for at least a half hour.

But then we finally had to reenter this plane of existence, and we've been “living the life” ever since. There have been some hard parts, but with the support of family and friends we're managing, and just loving it all.

I loved in the beginning learning how to get Clark to stop crying. For the first week I just wanted to hold him every waking moment. Kara's Mom had come out for the birth and stayed for over a week, and but for her I'm not sure if Kara and I would have eaten or slept – it feels like we would have just held Clark staring at him until we all withered away.

Clark was very expressive from the first day, and continues to become more and more so. He's developed the most wonderful full-faced smile, and his coos and ooos are the greatest music I've ever heard. He's now starting to hug me when I walk around with him, which is the most fantastic feeling in the world.

I am also very much blessed with a wonderful marriage. Kara is not only my soul mate, she's also my best friend. My favorite past time is simply being with her. I really don't care that much what we're doing just so long as I can do it with her. The past year has deepened our relationship greatly, and I look forward to us continuing on our journey of two becoming one as we work to raise Clark together and struggle with whatever challenges the future holds for us.

In the past, whenever I did an end of year assessment of how things were progressing for me, I would often become very depressed. Progress for me always seemed to be just to slow to really see it in year long increments. I learned instead to focus on the bigger picture – 5 or 10 year increments – and in that way I could see the progress I was making. This year, however, maybe the first time in my adult life that I really don't need to do that all.

And, when looking forward, this is my most hopeful of New Years as well. I do not really much like where I live, I hate that I'm not near my family to better share all this with them, I am deeply torn on where I would live if given the choice (near my family, near Kara's family, someplace sunny and warm???), I find little personal satisfaction in my work, I am overweight, not exercising enough, and feeling it. But despite all that, I have never been anywhere this satisfied with my life, nor ever been looking forward this much to the future I see likely out there for me.

Happy New Years to all!


(first posted on facebook on January 1, 2009)